Baby “Ace”

Sooooo, I purposely haven’t posted a thing until today. Because of this reason.

This day last year. A whole year later. Blah.

July 24th, we found out the gender of the little human that I was incubating... for the second time. It was a baby boy. I considered abortion mulllllltiple times simply because I never made it to find out the gender of Nugget. So of course, fear of another miscarriage kicked in.. I hid Ace's pregnancy for 3, almost 4 months because something about the whole process still made me hesitant.. I hid him even from my mom because of her recovery! I had an appointment set up and all of that! I’an lyingggggg but for some reason every time the appointment rolled around, I couldn’t go. I had just started a new job and plus, the money I had set aside for it, went away. Just “poofed” clean out my hand, lol.

Fast forward to August 12. I was experiencing contractions all day while hosting a baby shower for one of my little sister’s. Whole time, I thought it was just Braxton Hicks. I made it through the entire shower, IN PAIN. I rushed home, called Baptist DeSoto and talked to Amy, who I refer to as “Ace’s Angel”. She told me to just hurry and get there. So I walked in the house to tell my mom where I was going. I remember holding Brooklyn, because she wouldn’t let me put her down and I literally collapsed to the ground because the “cramps” starting getting stronger. It seriously felt like she knew. I left and went straight to the hospital. Once I made it, they rushed me to the room and started checking his heartbeat and keeping an eye on the contraction lengths. I was pretty much told that he was ready to come. AT 20 WEEKS, BRO?! But they told me that they were going to try to save him as much as they could, and they tried! I called Welexi and Alexys and they called Antonio. I wasn’t trying to scare anyone or be a burden because fear KEPT ME in front of a doctor lol. Next thing I knew I was being put in a room and everybody was there. Amy had me laying in a weird position that would keep Ace from pushing himself out. It got to the point where I told them that I couldn’t take the pain anymore and that if he was ready, let him come on. I remember refusing epidural but they gave me an alternative that had me high & lifted up with JESUS. Haha. It’s early Sunday morning in the wee hours and I remember letting out a scream that woke everyone up in the room. I remember holding their hands and trying to actually push this little baby out lol. I remember being told that if I was a week or two further that he basically would’ve came out as a preemie and you know how that goes. I remember being told that if his heartbeat was still beating after he comes out, they’d allow us to hold him until he eventually passed. But, his heartbeat kept beating up until I pushed his legs out and by that time, I’m asking the doctors and Amy, “can’t you just pull him out?” Lol It was exhausting! I pushed an actual baby out, the first one was just a little fetus so this was a different emotion. This was my son. I experienced labor and birthing pains and took it all like a champ. Ask about me. Lol I’m BIG DUDE!

But seriously, by now everyone should know that I feel like I was built to be a boy mom. It's like a part of my dream lol so you can imagine how excited I was to find out that I was having a little boy!!!! I was 20 weeks when I had him. It was told to me that he'd be a carrier for "Spina Bifida" while carrying... yeah, I'on know either. Look it up like I did. But when they tested him, it wasn't a thing wrong with my baby. With me, either! No serious deep explanation, it just wasn't God's timing. And I am okay with that! Lol because that'll do it... YOU AIN'T GOTTA WORRY ABOUT MEEEEEE!

There are times that my hands will still get ice cold from the experience of holding him all day that Sunday. The sweetest and most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I still have phantom kicks & random times I'll catch myself rubbing my tummy. There are times that I imagine how life would be with Brooklyn & Andrix together. Talk about a run for my money. I would've been so outdone by now. I mean NO good. Like send help, please!

I would have thoroughly enjoyed being his mommy. Y'all would've gotten tired of us. I do mean TIYAD! Stuck like GLUE, you would've had to peel him off me! I mean because he was technically supposed to be my rainbow baby lol, so a real mommy's boy I planned for him to be. He looked like MY mommy and HIS daddy together just at 5 months. Because, THEY GOT ON MY NERVES THE MOST! Uh huh, real bad.

BUT, it was good for me that I had been afflicted so that I would know God the way I do now. Mane, I'm really being kept. My answer has always been "yes", but that “yes” had a whole new meaning after this. I mean He's going to get His regardless, right? Right! Lol “Talitha Cumi”, is for me first. “Girl, get up” is always for ME first. It has healing in it.

"You have no idea the reason why I have not cracked under the pressure, it is not because of what you see in public.. It's because of what's been happening in private. It's because me & God got a thing going on." - Barbara Calloway

I'm so glad that I know God for myself!!! I'm so glad to know that He loves me with an everlasting love. I'm so glad to know His grace is sufficient for me. I'm so glad to know He hears me and He responds to me EVERY TIME! A whole year later & I'm still going. ✨ What a forgiver. What a keeper. What a restorer. What a mind regulator. What a company keeper. What a strength giver. What a friend He has been. It's not cliche, it's not a catchy phrase & it's not just something I say.. But He REALLY kept me + my mind.. I had so many quiet episodes. So many quiet thoughts. So many quiet maybes + what ifs. So many times I questioned Him.. but not once did He change His mind about me. So before I ever take it back, I'll add more to it!

Who am I that He's so mindful of me? I'm forever grateful. I'm forever indebted. I'm forever submitted. Things could've gone differently but I'm thankful for His constant covering. I'm definitely one of His favorites. Two pregnancies, one miscarriage & one stillbirth. It's still going to happen but just when it's time. There isn't a doubt in my mind, because how would He be God if He doesn't keep His promises? And THAT'S how I know & THAT'S how I'm still functioning, in my right mind. It gets clouded sometimes, but I am still in my right mind.. If no one is, I know I'm proud of me.

Thankful for our village. STILL remains unmatched. They were ready for him!

I'm a testament of His grace + His keeper power. I’m here to help someone else, I get so many questions about how am I still going on a daily. So many women who’ve gone through similar experiences. I don’t have any answers, but I can lead you to the one who does. It’s literally because I’m being kept, I’m being held on to. And, as long as He continues to hold and keep me, I’ll continue to keep going. It’s not by my strength, nor by my power but it’s really His spirit that’s holding me up. Nothing is too hard for God & if He did it for me, He can do the same for you. What I always say? Thanks, BIG God!

Andrix Micah Gladney, "Ace" ❤️♠️

August 13, 2023, 5:13 am. 🥹🕊️🫶🏾